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Thursday, July 7

Why so Serious?


I don't know where to begin or how to put into words what I'm feeling right now. It's one of those days when I feel like no matter I did, what I've done, for others and for the better, it's never enough, and it makes me feel useless. I don't know if I'm just pushing myself too much, or am I actually not pushing myself at all. I feel like I need to punish myself for something that I don't deserve. It's frustrating. I'm sorry to rant this out to guys but writing my feelings down like this makes me feel a little less stressed out knowing that even though I'm not personally speaking to anyone, I hope that somebody somewhere out there understands what I'm going through by reading this and tell me that I'm not alone and going insane.

I'm kind of a restless person you see, and I always feel the need to constantly move around. The past few days of feeling under the weather at work had me thinking whether there's something more for me here or if I'm better off somewhere else. What's it like to migrate to a new place and start over? How does it feel to live in a place where you don't know anyone? It's going to be a challenge for sure but wouldn't that be an adventure? I've always had these questions in my head but I guess I'd been too caught up in building my life here that I forget there's a whole world out there. What if I'm not destined to be here forever but somewhere else? I guess it's about time I start looking for answers to all these questions. But how do I begin, right? The first steps are always the hardest part.

I wish adulthood wasn't so alluring to us when we were younger. I always thought that you turn 18, done with school, and have a job, you can pretty much do anything. And we all wanted to grow up so fast to get to that phase. Now that I'm there, all I want to is crawl back to my school days when all I had to worry about was how to cheat for that Chinese exam because that's a lot easier that having to worry about what's next for me now. To anyone still in school, take this from me, cherish and make the most out of it!

Sigh.




On a less serious note, still on the normcore bandwagon, here's an outfit from last week. I had a little fun doing some self portraits down my apartment, taking advantage of the warm weather and the sun. I haven't taken my own photos in a while and I have to say it was a bit of a struggle getting back to it. But no biggie, it was fun all the same.

It's funny because when I went down to set up my tripod and camera, there was another girl right across where I was who also had a camera and tripod set up in front of her while she was prancing around in a glittering, shining, two-piece bikini. I think she's a dancer and from the way it looked, she was recording her moves, possibly making a demo video. I smiled knowing that I'm not the only crazy person down there. The things that we do for what we love, eh.

Anwyay, what do you think of the outcome?

______________________________________


[Top : Lash][Jeans : Vintage, Macau Vintage Market][Cap : Ivy Park][Shoes : Adidas]








10 comments:

  1. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I think everyone gets that way once in a while but it certainly is not fun. I am also a person that needs to constantly be moving.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love this outfit! And maybe you need a change, even if it is small or perhaps temporary. I've often thought about living in another country for a couple months, or just joining something in my area (a club perhaps?) so that my routine is switched up and I get to meet new people. Anyways, I do hope you're feeling happier soon!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know how you feel, I always think that what I do for others is just not enough and I try to do more and more but nothing is okay. I try to convince myself that I must think about me first and that I need a change. When that moment comes I always change my hair because it is something so characteristic in me that I need to do something with it when I need a change. If you don't want to completely move to another place maybe changing something or setting goals for yourself will work. By the way you look so gorgeous and I love those jeans :)

    Have a wonderful day, xx

    My Vogue Style | www.myvoguestyle.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. I totally get your restlessness Carla. I'm feeling the same. I still have a semester of school to go, but I'm already trying to picture what comes after that, and I'm pondering whether I'm even meant to stay in the States. Who knows...but there's only one way to find out, right?
    Craving change can seem flighty, but there are those who genuinely need that change to discover what it is in life that can make them stable.
    Anyway, you're not alone, that's for sure.
    Ahaha and love that you weren't the only one out there taking photos xD I've yet to meet someone who sets up a tripod and takes photos/videos of themselves.

    The Dragonfruit Diaries
    Visit my YouTube channel!

    ReplyDelete
  5. It's normal to feel this way at times but never forget that your are enough. If you're feeling this way maybe you need a break, you know time to pause and rethink. And yes there is a whole world out there for your to see, if you feel caged, then maybe its time for change. This feeling of discomfort is usually how God let's us know that it is time for Change. In moments like this, I'd say if you're religious then take comfort in prayer. But just so you know girl, this too shall pass. And I totally understand the relief that comes with writing your feelings out.

    Princess Audu

    ReplyDelete
  6. Looking fabulous in that ensemble.
    And about how you're feeling, don't mind it, we all go through those days whereby we just don't feel complete or enough and it's like no matter how much work we put into something, it just doesn't seem to be enough. I wish you nothing but the best and let's hope it's a quick phase that'll pass and you go back to feeling more like yourself.

    http://style-krush.blogspot.is

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know how you feel, we've all felt this way and still feel this way sometimes. But nothing is temporary, it will definitely pass you just have to be strong for your self.
    The Style Fanatic
    http://www.thestylefanatic.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. super:) xx
    Bianka
    http://ruhamania.blogspot.hu/

    ReplyDelete
  9. I want to go to a new place and start afresh. but I know it will involve a lot of struggle. And you, my fellow blogger, have already taken the hardest step: the first step. So everything is going to be fine from now on. It will be difficult but you will sail through. You look tough. And you took these supercool pictures yourself!!! I also want to be able to do that!!!
    Jenny’s Bicycle-Indian Fashion Blog!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. You totally should have made friends with her! It's always hard living in a new city where you don't know anyone. I get you. It can be lonely. Love this norm core look. It's so fun, yet simple.

    xx Yasmin
    http://banglesandbungalows.com

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for your thoughts. You make my day a little extra brighter!

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