I had just about everything in mind when I was choosing the pieces to wear on this particular day. I wanted to wear layers - thin layers that is, what with the weather still scorching in early September; something feminine, in the form of an A-line skirt with a side-slit; streetwear; oh and in case the rain pours because you just never know when it will in this city, and so I have to be prepared for it, shoes-wise; and of course, a hat, bandana choker, and sunglasses, to add that cool edge to my seemingly very simple outfit (because I'm wearing a tee and that's how it always feels like when I do). What do you know, they all worked! I have days when I don't know what to wear while other days, I want to wear everything. Sometimes it works, but other times I just wanna cancel all my plans for the day because I couldn't decide what to wear out. You get me? Hear, hear.
Anyway, on life notes, I'm about to plunge into deep waters in next couple of weeks as I plan to have several major changes in my life. I can foresee myself short of breath as I swim away so this is me mentally preparing for it. This is also my way of warning you that this might cause for me to break down here once in a while; you might find me irritating with all my complains and such and so, just a precaution.
I once read somewhere that if your life is in a whirlwind, you better be glad because that means you're moving and you're going somewhere; good or bad, at least you're not stuck rotting in a corner, and I guess that much is true. I'm trying to look at everything right now from an optimistic perspective because I know that I'll be taking a lot of risks: instability in terms of financial and career growth, accepting the uncertainties that come with my decisions, the fact that what lies ahead is such a blur compared to how clear my plans were three years ago or in fact, my whole life, is a whole new concept to me.
You see, I've always been the kind of person one step ahead of myself; always with a plan B in case plan A fails; a practical young being. But that's also precisely why I've made so much decisions in my life thinking about practicality that I was always on the safe side; almost never taking a leap of faith by doing something random or impractical. In travelling and shopping, yes, I can be very spontaneous. But when it comes to real life decisions such as applying for jobs that I thought I wanted, or choosing a career path that I thought was right for me, made me unhappy. And I would always wonder what if I decided to purse my real passion as a career instead of something that is readily available because it was practical, the "thing" to be, and stable, would I have been happier?
In a few months, I will be turning 26. Just the thought of if makes me cringe, not because I'm disgusted, no. But I would be if I grew older and not wiser, without having established anything for myself.
The other night, I was having this very conversation with one of my friends, telling him that I wouldn't really consider myself worthless at this point. In fact, I have quite a few "achievements" I should say, if you count a small property investment that I'm about to get my hands on in a few days; items ticked off my bucket list such as travelling to far off places; cities that I've only ever dreamed of visiting including Paris, London, Milan, and Tokyo, and I have been very fortunate to experience all these with the one person I truly love. I have maintained this blog longer than I have ever kept to a single job, and to me, that is a far greater achievement than pleasing other people for money's worth.
But the truth is, those aren't enough. I long for more; more than stability, more than money itself. I haven't been working hard enough to realize my dreams because I'm still helping somebody else achieve their dreams. The more I work and travel, and the more knowledge I gain, I get frustrated because it dawns on me that I'm still inside my comfort zone, too afraid to come out.
And so while there's still time, I'm taking a wild run. Forget about being practical for just a minute (or say a year or two?). At the end of the day, if all else fails, at least I won't have to ask myself "what if", because that would have been answered. At least I know I tried, and that a thousand times better than doing nothing at all.
Photos by Pierre Elma
[Tee : Izzue][Hat and Sunnies : Forever 21][Shoes : Zara][Clutch : Bershka][Vest : H&M][Skirt : Boohoo]
Cool look !ReplyDelete
Such a nice look!ReplyDelete
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You are too young to be so serious now. But that is not a bad thing. You are perfect in fact. This blog is such a big achievement. Do you even see your posts after a few months? I do, and trust they are too good. Every outfit, all the pictures (I know that someone else may be responsible for this, but still) is too good. You rock babe. And thinking of investing in property and travelling plans...You are going in the right direction...Yes, be lazy for a year or two..Just save if possible. I know I sound like a mother (or should I say an elder sister) but I know you are gonna do great.ReplyDelete
Jenny’s Bicycle-Indian Fashion Blog!!
You are so cool and stylish! love your outfit!ReplyDelete